Mar 272012
 

I need to make this post because I see an increasing amount of awful advice in [1] /r/foreveralone and other subreddits where some guy has been friendzoned by their crush and doesn’t know what to do. So the hivemind in these subreddits say, “tell her how you feel! tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you!” and so on and so on… After all, in the movies, the girl is always like, “Oh my God! I’ve been dating jerks all this time, but now I realize that you’re the one I truly love, Derp! Of course we’ll go out together!” Lol. This actually doesn’t happen in real life.

Now I’m sure you’ve all done this at one point or another. If you’ve read my posts, you know what happened 2 years ago when I did. Her natural reaction is to recoil immediately. The response you’re going to get is, “I’m kind of taken aback by this, Derp. I really only see you as a friend, and I hope we can remain friends”. This is reality.

You’re in the friendzone, and you’d be deluding yourself if you think that by telling her how much you’ve loved her over the years, she would suddenly change her mind and want to date you. Think about that for one minute and ask yourself, “Hmm, was that creepy?” Yes, it was.

Unloading your feelings onto her simply does not work. It’s a self-sabotage technique. And on a deep, core level, you kind of know that it won’t work, but you do it anyway. This is part of being Forever Alone. It’s that mindset that you deserve to be alone, so you’ll actually sabotage your relationships, but in a way that makes you seem like a victim. Reality is, you’re being manipulative and self-serving. But if you’re here in [2] /r/faimprovement , you’re obviously trying to change that. Good.

Okay, so hopefully you can see that telling her everything is a bad idea. But what if you absolutely can’t live with yourself anymore and have to at least give it a shot with her? All or nothing, hail Mary! Well, instead of telling her,demonstrate through actions that you are interested in her. Find some activities to do together. Like take her out dancing, hiking, bars, picnics, ice skating, beach. Just the two of you. Start doing a lot of these little fun activities/dates together and the more time you spend with her, increase physical contact with her. Touch her a lot more than you used to. Women respond and are much more sensitive to touch than men. It’s very powerful. Eventually, if you’re holding hands, then you’ve broken through a huge wall and can escalate even more, perhaps, to a kiss.

Now the more you do of this, gauge her reactions. How is she responding? Is she receptive or is she pulling away? There will come a point where you’ll have to accept if she is simply not willing to go any further with you and that’s fine. At least you gave it a good attempt.

tl;dr: Telling her how much you love her is self-sabotage, doesn’t work and only happens in the movies. Instead, take her out on dates and activities, showing her how much fun you are to be with, all the while escalating physical contact. She can take a hint.

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