Apr 212012

So it’s been a couple weeks since my last post. Quick update — I’m still seeing the girl, though I think she likes me a lot more than I like her. The sex is great, but I’m just not feeling that emotional connection. And that’s really what we all want as Former FAs. We crave sex, but what we really want is to feel connected to others. So we’ll see where it goes. I’m just not ready to dive in with full commitment to her right now.

Anyway, that brings me to this post on neediness. Neediness is the #1 attraction killer – HANDS DOWN. Even if you change nothing about yourself, but become less ‘needy’, you will see some results and improvement with your success with women.

I have seen it time and time again. Guys (and especially FAs here), think that if they cater to their crush’s every single need, she will like him because he is a “nice guy”. This is simply not true. And when I began to realize this, my success with women really started to happen. Now before you take out pitchforks, I’m not advocating that you be an asshole. Quite the contrary. Just don’t be needy. [1] Here is a real conversation I had with a female friend a few nights ago.

I think that conversation is great because it truly illustrates that girls don’t want that needy guy. So here are some points to ponder:

  • Do not smother her
  • Do not re-arrange your entire schedule just to be with her. She will pick up on this and it will come across as you not having a life and being needy. You have things to do? Priorities? Tell her that you need to schedule a better time to see each other because you have important things to take care of. *It’s actually a good thing to be unavailable
  • Do not feel that you need to talk to her every day. You don’t. You are a busy man and you have important things to do in life.
  • Do not feel like you need to buy her gifts all the time on seemingly random occasions. Believe it or not, writing a card will give her the same level of emotion as if you bought her 2 dozen roses.

Those points helped me the most, but here are some other rules of thumb that are pretty good.

  • Let her text you more than you text her.
  • If she doesn’t respond to your text for a few hours, don’t respond right away either. I typically wait twice as long to respond back then she did. She waited an hour to respond? I’ll wait 2 hours. Sometimes I won’t text back for a day.
  • Do not do this: “You free Friday night? No? Saturday night? No? How about Sunday? …Monday? …Tuesday? …I’m actually free every single night so tell me when we can meet.” — I have seen guys do this and it is painful to watch.
  • Do not tell her that she is only one you are pursuing. She secretly wants to know that other girls are going after you too, and that she’s lucky for having the chance to get to know you.
  • Do not cater to her every need. If you’re in the middle of something and your crush calls you because she needs to cry about the latest guy who rejected her, tell her you can’t talk. Do not drop whatever it is that you’re doing because whatever you are doing is important because you are a busy man with things to do.

So there you go. I felt this post was a long-time coming. Talk to you all soon.

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  One Response to “Neediness is the #1 attraction killer”

  1. […] we can’t even be friends. We can’t even hang out!” This is the opposite of neediness. I’ll make statements that show I’m totally disinterested in her and essentially […]


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