May 102012
 

Forever Alone is a frame of mind. It’s a belief system – a self-limiting belief. One of the goals of ShakedownLab is not just for you to improve your relationships with women and friends, but to improve your own mind — how you see yourself. You want to go from being Forever Alone: Shunning social contact to being Single: Ready to mingle

Let’s take a look at some statements written by Redditors from /r/foreveralone.

I expect to get rejected because I always get rejected.

My negative beliefs are fueled by reality.

All my life I’ve been confident that I’m a good person. I still am a good person by my own definition. But what good is a good person who is hated, ridiculed and rejected by everyone else? I’m lonely and I’m miserable because of my loneliness. I’m lonely because everybody rejects me. Everybody rejects me either because everybody is bad (the argument that keeps my confidence) or because I’m bad (the argument that destroys my confidence). And the latter is obviously true.

There are thousands more like these. Just cruise the ForeverAlone subreddit and see how depressing that place is. It is inundated with people who hold these core beliefs:

  • I am pathetic. I deserve to be alone.
  • I am ugly, therefore no one wants to go out with me.
  • I am rejected by others repeatedly. Therefore, I have no confidence.
  • Women only want models, guys with big dicks, or rich guys. Women are shallow.
  • Women are to blame for rejecting me.
  • That girl I like is a bitch for putting me in the friend zone.
  • I need girls to like me and to validate me in order to feel better about myself.
  • I base my happiness on whether others approve of me.
  • I have tried everything, and women still reject me. I am hopeless.
  • Other people don’t know what it’s like to get rejected the way I’ve been rejected.
  • I’m a nice guy. Girls only go for jerks.
  • Other people are to blame for my situation
  • Why can’t a girl just like me already?

I will say right now, if you hold any of these beliefs, then you are Forever Alone and not Single. Hopefully, you are reading this because you want to be a better person and are looking to shed these beliefs. But some Redditors have these beliefs so ingrained into their psyche, that there’s no chance they can ever improve themselves because they believe it is impossible to do so.

Forever Alones believe that the only way to gain confidence is if they receive approval and validation from women. I hear time and time again, “But I get rejected all the time. I’ve been rejected my entire life. Have I not earned the right to be bitter? My negative beliefs are fueled by my reality. .” Here is what I have to say to that.

Shut up.

Of course you are being rejected every time. You are Forever Alone. You are NOT Single. Single people are available to meet others, flirt, be social, and are optimistic. Single people hold these core beliefs:

  • I will meet somebody. It is only a matter of time.
  • I like myself, but I recognize where I can improve.
  • It’s a beautiful day outside. I think I’ll go for a walk.
  • She rejected me. Oh well, I’ll go approach someone else then.
  • She can make a good friend.
  • That girl doesn’t like me. No big deal.
  • I am eager to go on lots of dates.
  • I am responsible and accountable for my own dating life.
  • I am a man. I am confident.

Let me reiterate. Forever Alones are unavailable for relationships. Single people are available. And excuse my language, but some people need a real kick in the ass.

As mentioned earlier, Forever Alone is a self-limiting belief. The keyword here is belief. It’s one’s belief that they will be lonely forever. Belief is perception. Perception is reality. And since you perceive/believe yourself to be alone forever, that is the reality you are going to live in. Forever Alones believe that their perception is fueled by their reality, when actually, their reality is fueled by their perception. It took me 4 months to realize this. Re-read that bold statement a few times until it sinks in.

Everyone here has had their own trials and tribulations along the way, and not one person’s ‘suffering’ deserves more sympathy than anyone else’s. We are all coming from our own personal experiences and that’s all that matters. You say you’ve been rejected your entire life? Or that you’ve tried everything and people still reject you? Bullshit. You didn’t try everything. You quit too early. You didn’t try hard enough. Have you done both fundamentals and advanced from beginning to end? No? Well, do it then.

You are struggling with women because you are Forever Alone. Not the other way around.

Changing your mindset from Forever Alone to Single is not a switch you can flip overnight. It can take months or even years to reverse it. But it is so very possible. I did it, and so can you.

Also, see holdme2000’s post: On Optimism in our subreddit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  One Response to “Forever Alone is a mindset”

  1. [...] is, I had a Forever Alone mindset[1] . I thought that I was never good enough to have a relationship with a woman. Who would want to [...]

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