May 162012

This is in response to a question by meh_mediocre regarding being introverted and how it affects our self-improvement.

Hey this is a great question. I, myself, am very introverted. I took some personality test and I was like 90% introverted or something ridiculous like that. I’m sure most everyone here can relate.

We do feel most comfortable when we are with our trusted friends. Admittedly, that is when I have most of my success. I’m out with my best friends having a great time and I’m not even focusing on meeting women. But I feel so awesome and I’m enjoying myself to such an extent, I completely lose my fear of approach and I believe I’m the most attractive guy in the world. That confidence comes off as attractive and girls respond positively. I know my friends got my back and I got their back.

Lately, I’ve been trying to “replicate” that state of emotions when I’m out with people I don’t really know that well. I have found that it is very difficult to do. I’ve had some moments where it shines through, but it does take me a lot of effort. I think this is a by-product of being incredibly introverted for 23 years.

Our introversion is comfortable. Again, going out and being with new people I don’t trust much is going out of my comfort zone. Going beyond your boundaries is the only way to get better. How else am I going to improve socially if I don’t do this?

So here’s the thing. You and I are both introverted. We will continue to be introverted our entire lives. That’s not going to change. It’s deeply embedded into our personalities. However, what we can do is go out beyond our comfort zone and act like extroverts to the point where it no longer bothers us. In our heads, we’ll still feel that introversion, but on the outside, we are outgoing and social creatures.

As introverts, we highly value quality over quantity. We want every time we go out to be high quality fun. I know this. However, it’s not going to help in terms of experience. Going out repeatedly, making approach after approach, good or bad, is the best way to improve. Quantity will bring experience — this way you can have quality later.





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