Jun 122012
 

This post is in response to this post by detectivejustice. The question is: “How do I stop talking so much? And I also feel the need to constantly correct the girl I’m talking to when she misspeaks.”

It’s an interesting question, and my instinctual response is simply to say, “Just don’t talk so much.”, but obviously if it was that simple, you wouldn’t be asking.

I would say that the problem is less that you are talking so much and more about what you talk about. I never talk about politics or religion when I am trying to date a girl. If they bring it up, I try to steer the conversation away from it as quickly as possible or just nod my head while they talk and just kind of agree with what they’re saying. I know this is hard for opinionated redditors. Especially atheists who just love to talk about how much God doesn’t exist and that religious nutcases ..etc, etc… The reality is these are very serious topics that people feel very strongly about. If you are on opposite ends of the spectrum, attraction can be lost instantaneously. So I avoid these topics altogether. Let people believe what they want to believe. It’s not your job to correct them.

Remember, you’re trying to get to know each other. Make sure you are asking her questions — especially, “How does that make you feel” type questions. Any questions that get her to dig through her emotions are always better than questions that are simply ‘yes/no’ or simple factual responses.

So there really isn’t some magical technique. You just have to become self-aware of it at the time it is happening. Stop, gather yourself, and ask her some questions that require emotional responses. I’ve already posted some here in SL, but here are some again.

When you feel irresistibly attracted to someone, do you ever find yourself compelled to act on it?

If you could only keep one of your five senses for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

Beauty is common. Look around. There’s a lot of pretty girls around here. What are some things about you that makes you different from all of them?

Stuff like this is way more interesting and less combative (at least I think so), than trying to convince a religious person or atheist is wrong for their belief. Remember, you are talking to this girl because you want to determine if she is a right fit for you, and if you want to date her. You’re not talking to her to teach her some philosophy.

People like people who are like them. Be agreeable.

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