Don’t try to ‘reconcile’ with people who don’t like you. Honestly, it’s just not worth it. Someone doesn’t like you, fuck them. They mean nothing to you. Your mentally disturbed relative doesn’t like you for being gay? Fuck her, she’s irrelevant. Seriously, there is no reason to associate or bother with people who treat you like a lesser person for whatever reason. There are too many good people out there and too many great things to do in life instead of trying to win over those who have disapproved of you in the past.
Am I skipping a step by not trying to improve my self before trying to make nice with people?
Yes, because you is all that matters. As I just said. Don’t concern yourself with winning over those around you. Win yourself over first.
I implore you to read No More Mr. Nice Guy which is step 1 of our self-improvement process here. I think that book, more than any suggested in this subreddit, will have a significant impact on you. It will teach you to focus on yourself first — be a little selfish (it’s a good thing sometimes), as well as hit home on a lot of the childhood issues and how to deal with them.
How do you leave the past behind?
I don’t know if you watch the show Mad Men (you should, it’s the best show ever made), but the lead character Don Draper has a great quote.
My life has one direction. Forward.
You have the power, right now, to say, “Yeah, I had some shitty things happen to me in the past, but I’m moving forward, leaving all that shit behind.”
You feel humiliation and resentment because you care what people think about you. It is difficult to undo that, and I understand that as well as anyone. When you begin to realize that none of them fucking matter at all, those negative feelings will dissipate. Some stranger treats you like shit? Don’t respond negative or positively. Don’t react at all. Remain completely unaffected in the realization that they are nothing to you. You owe them nothing. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself.Tweet