Jul 092012

Some of you may have noticed that in the last couple months, I don’t really post my stories about getting girls’ numbers. This isn’t for lack of numbers, but the opposite. I get numbers so frequently now that they no longer seem like a big deal anymore and aren’t worth posting. I guess when I first started this like 8 months ago, getting a number was the most amazing thing to me.

Also, as of late, I have met two great Redditors here in DC who are also working on self-improvement. If you want to join us on a night out and make some new friends, send me a PM.

So I met this girl a couple weeks ago at a happy hour I was invited to. We hit it off, but I acted all non-chalant and non-flirty. I was just being totally social with everyone in the group and didn’t treat her any differently than anyone else. Treated her more like she was in my friendzone. This really confuses a girl who has a lot of guys who pursue them.They think,

“who is this guy who isn’t hitting on me like everyone else?”

You are being different from all the other guys, and in a positive way. As a result, you are more interesting, more mysterious, and hence, you will be more attractive. So this is the approach I took with this girl, and also the approach I’m taking from now on. You be the one to indicate (subtly, though) that you’re “just friends” and you’re just a “sociable and outgoing guy”. If you’re in the flirting mood, don’t just flirt with the girl you like, flirt with all the girls. No one is above anyone else. No girl is better than you. She is just a person, as you are.

Number closed her.

Exchanged a few simple texts and saw her again at another happy hour a few days later.

When I saw her, I gave her a quick hug and moved on to my other friends that were there. I essentially ignored her for two hours. Eventually, I made my way over to her group and was being incredibly social. Talk with everyone. Make friends with everyone and grow your social circle. I’m going to make a post about building your social circle soon, but my own is still a work in progress. Anyway, I’m teasing her and doing the basic stuff. We go to a few more bars and eventually I’m talking to her one on one. I escalate physical contact throughout the entire night and at this point we are holding hands, looking deep into each other’s eyes. We parted ways that night — the kiss still eluding us.

I ask her out and it’s time we go on a date.

She is excited to see me and I tell her to meet me at Dupont Circle. I was going to take her to a bookstore that has a bar/coffee house in it, but she texts me back saying she is in a bookstore that has a coffee house in it (a different one). So I have to improvise with like 5 minutes to go. I can’t take her from one bookstore to another. That’s just…weird. I figure I’ll just roll with it.

I get there and she’s sitting on her computer doing school work. She doesn’t even look up and tells me “I need 5 minutes to finish up some work.” Woah, not what I expected at all. What do you do in this situation? That is hardly a way to greet someone when you see them for the first time on the first date…Shit?

This is new. How do I react? Take offense? Sit down and sit there quietly and awkwardly? I immediately fall back to the words I live by.

Be non-reactive.

Do not show that you are affected by her statement. Act like it is completely normal even though it isn’t. Hell, I’m in a bookstore, so I fire back, “Okay, good. I wanted to check out the computer science section.” So I walk off to the comp sci section and start scanning their shitty selection of books. I browse for about 10 minutes and make my way back to her. She is done by now and is ready to go. She tells me she needs to go to Panera and use their wifi. Nothing I can do here, so I tag along, a little disconcerted that this is not going well. So I decide to tease her relentlessly. All playful flirting and teasing, not insults. Remember, if she is not laughing and/or playfully punching you, then you are not teasing correctly.

After Panera, I tell her to follow me. I see Brooks Brothers so I tell her I need clothes and we are going shopping. She follows me in and we walk around and touch all the clothes. Great conversation starters. I tell her the evolutionary reasons behind why men don’t like shopping and why women do. All interesting stuff.

Then I take her to my work office because I need to pick up my bag and some other things. Totally random. And I’m still teasing her.

Then we go and sit on a super narrow bench in the park the next block over and are forced to be squished together. This worked in my favor as I was able to get my arm around her and bring her close. We talk for like 30 minutes about nothingness. I finally decide to let up on the teasing and switch it around on her completely. I tell her she’s adorable and that she cracks me up sometimes. I think all that relentless teasing followed by a little bit of that validation was pretty powerful. She snuggled up against me and then I said, “come here.” with a slight smile as I looked into her eyes. Went in for the kiss.

We talked for 30 minutes more after that and then she had to leave. We kissed again before we parted ways.

She’s only in town for 2 more weeks, so there isn’t really a future here, but she is a fun girl and I enjoy spending my time with her. Hope you enjoyed the story and some of the lessons learned from it. I sure learned that being non-reactive is really the best bet when you don’t know how to handle a statement.





  One Response to “Went on a date, kiss-close and lessons learned in being non-reactive”

  1. […] last three months have been exceptionally fruitful. I was having date after date after date. Girls wanted to hook up with me. I felt like I was on top of the world […]


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