One of the most helpful pieces of advice I read about early on is simply: Don’t be creepy.
Not being creepy is going to put you ahead of so many other men out there. Trust me on that. Now, a lot of us recognize creepy tendencies when we see it, but many times we do things that we feel are totally cool or even correct and we come off as creepy and we don’t even know it. If you come off as creepy towards women, you’re not going to be successful. Simple as that.
It’s easy to say, “Just don’t be creepy” but what is the point of that post? Surely there is more to say on this topic. There are an arbitrary number of ways to be creepy and it is impossible to list them all. But here is a glaring example of creepiness.
I texted some of my friends and this girl I like with anonymous number and compliment them everyday because I’m too scared to do it with my real number. Now I don’t want to say it’s me because I fear they will stop talking to me
So that example is to the extreme, but you get the idea. There are certain social norms in this world and if you deviate too much from them, it’s inevitably going to creep people out.
Why is it easy to creep women out? Women instinctively know that men are going to hit on them and want sex from them. Whether this is true or not, it does not matter. This is the reality they operate in. You are a man who approached her and started talking to her. You want sex from her. Because of her reality, she will have a guard up. This is even the case if she thinks you’re super attractive and may want to have sex with you. I’m obviously generalizing here, but this is a good notion to be aware of.
Okay, so moving forward with this assumption of her reality, where does this fit in with the creep factor? If you conform to her reality, and act in such a way that reaffirms her belief that the only reason you are talking to her is because you want to have sex with her, then you will come off as creepy. This is why desperate and needy men are so creepy. Women can smell the desperation all over you and it creeps them the fuck out.
The opposite of creepiness is to make her feel comfortable being around you. You need to take down her guard that she has up and wreck her reality that the only reason you are talking to her is because you want her for her body. How do you do this? Well, books have been written for this and everyone has their own way and claims there’s is what works. If you follow the entire Shakedown Method from beginning to end, you will have experienced enough of these books to see which works best for you and you can adopt your own style out of it. I don’t make any money from this at all — The Shakedown Method is just my suggestion of all the books you should read in a particular order that I feel would benefit you the most.
Anyway, my style is to use the “disinterested” approach. I hint to girls that I’ve approached and/or am talking to that I’m not even interested in them at all. I’ve blogged about this before, but I’ll say things like:
Wow, you are really weird. You are like the weirdest person I ever met. We can’t even be friends. We can’t even hang out with each other.
Of course I say it in a joking and fun manner. But all of a sudden, in one swift move, you went from being a guy who approached and wants her for sex, to some guy who is not hitting on her (but really is. This is legitimate and effective flirting) and is not interested in her at all. That shield she has up has now dropped because you are different from every other guy in that bar who is disgustingly hitting on her with lines like, “Hi there. That red dress really makes you stand out.” (there is high creep factor in that statement. I am guilty as charged).
Because you showed her that you are not interested in her for her body. You are just a fun, social, and awesome guy, she will feel more comfortable around you and you no longer have that creepy factor.
Other points, but just as important:
- Don’t stare at a girl from across the room. If you make eye contact with her and you get the signal from her to approach. Approach. If you don’t approach, and just stand there staring at her. After the 3rd time she glances over at you, you’ve gone from that “hot guy with the black shirt” to the “creepy guy who won’t stop staring”. Eye contact = make the approach.
- Talk. I know it sucks if you’re introverted. I’m super introverted, but if you’re standing with a group of people and everyone is talking but you, then you’re the creepy guy in the group. I know this really sucks to hear, but part of your self-improvement is to become social and outgoing. If you are in a group of people, contribute to the conversation. “Oh damn, this conversation reminds me of a story I have to tell.” Bam, you’re gold. Otherwise, you’re that “really quiet guy who doesn’t say much.”
- Don’t only talk to that one girl you’re interested in. Talk to everyone. Flirt with everyone. If you ignore everyone else and only talk to the girl who you want to be with, you’re not being very socially intuitive. I often ignore the girl I’m interested in for quite some time while I entertain the entire group of friends she is with.
- This post isn’t saying, “Don’t be sexual.” I turn conversations with girls sexual, but not in a “I want to have sex with you” kind of way. It’s more like sex is a very normal thing that people do and I can talk about it maturely and in a fun manner. I also do role-reversal, “Did you just try to grab my ass? Slow down, Tiger.” Turn it around on her!