Sep 192012

I often advocate for men to avoid seeking reaction or external validation. As men, we do not need others to validate us. We validate ourselves from the inside out. Those that can do this successfully are more attractive than those that don’t.

Women often seek validation from others. And that’s largely okay because they are women. There is some expected level of that. Though if a girl seeks too much validation, it is a clear sign of insecurity which can be bothersome and troublesome down the road. But for the most part, women seek some levels of validation from us.

How do we, as men, handle a situation where a woman is baiting us to validate them? The answer is, don’t. When a girl seeks validation, I do not validate her. If I validate a girl, it is on my terms, and my terms only. I’ll do it when I want to — not when she wants me to.

In the past, when I was a forever alone, classic Nice Guy, when my crush would bait me to say nice things to her, I would do it instantly and tell her how amazing she is, and that there are no other girls like her in the world, etc, etc, etc…She would thank me for the ego boost and I sat comfortably in the friendzone. This is no longer the case. Ever.

Here is a conversation with a girl I just had. The situation between me and her is …well…complicated. We’ve made out a few times, but for some circumstantial reasons, we can’t date each other. You will see how she baited me to say nice things to her, but I do not cave.

Her: My confidence will be shot by the party next week.

Me: No, your confidence won’t be shot.

Her: It will. It has some serious peaks and valleys.

Me: Well you better get it together then.

Her: I’m sorry, I can’t do it myself. It is very dependent on attention and people not trying to kill my ego.

Me: I’m not going to bore you with complements. You have to find that strength from within yourself.

Her: psshhhh

Me: 😛

It is extremely counter-intuitive, but that conversation makes me way more attractive as a man than if I said, “You should have tons of confidence! You’re a beautiful, smart, funny, and unique girl. You have guys lined up around the corner to date you!” I gag at the thought of having done that in my old days. But it’s all a learning experience.

Remember:  You are a man and you remain non-reactive. Nothing can phase you. You don’t need others to validate you, and you certainly don’t need to put a girl on a pedestal whenever she wants an ego-boost.


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