After working on self improvement for a year, social awareness and intuition is still an area I feel like I’m lacking in and trying to get better at. Being socially intuitive doesn’t necessarily have a direct impact on being better with girls or whatever, but it helps indirectly by fostering friendships, being a value giver, and being that guy that everyone wants to invite to the party/event. Which is just as important. Because when you’re that guy, the girls will be there and will want to get to know you.
Last night, some of ThoughtTrain‘s friends were having a house party up and he invited me. As I was headed to the party, I realized — hey, even though I don’t drink alcohol anymore, and probably won’t consume anything but water at this party, I’m still going to bring a six-pack of beer. So I visited the liquor store, picked up some Fat Tire and went on to the party. It is just good social sense to bring something that contributes to the party. Too many people are leeches. Even when an invitation says that you don’t need to bring anything, bring something. $10 for a six-pack. Be a contributor. Be a value giver. People remember these subtle things and it pays off later. Don’t be a leech.
I arrived at the party around 1030pm. There were only a handful of people there at that time, and ThoughtTrain wasn’t there yet. The only person I knew was the host. So I walk in, say hello to a bunch of people, and immediately found the host. I’m sure there are many times where you often opted out of going to a party because you only knew one other person going (or possibly nobody for that matter). In this case, the host is your most important asset. He greeted me and I handed him the Fat Tire I bought. He was thankful and he went around introducing me to a bunch of people throughout the party. Getting the host to introduce you to people at parties is one of the best and easiest ways to handle a situation where you know nobody. I was now engaged in conversation with a bunch of people. Perfect.
ThoughtTrain arrives. He knew a number of the people there already, but some of the people I had been talking with, he’d never met before. I made it a point to introduce him to the group I was talking to right away. Again, it is good social sense to introduce others. And don’t just say, “this is so and so…”, I usually throw in something if there’s a connection between the person I’m introducing and someone of the group. “…he also works in xyz”. Likewise, if you’re talking with a group of people and there is someone in the group whom you haven’t met yet (be it they just arrived and was not introduced by one of their friends), I will wait for the first break in the conversation and introduce myself to that person, “I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m shakedown.”
I make it a strict point that I am introduced and shake hands with every single person in a group with whom I am talking to. And I will ask their name repeatedly throughout the conversation if I forget. “Sorry, your name is …?” And I will do that until I remember their name. This pays dividends later when you remember everyone’s name at a party. I often get, “Wow, that’s impressive how you remember everyone’s name.” and then I challenge them to pick out anyone in the room and I will know who their name. It’s fun, but socially intuitive as well.
Help out randos. I walked into the kitchen to refill my ginger ale and this guy was talking to this cute girl. He was struggling, I can tell. I let it go on for a few seconds and this guy was just trying really hard. I decided to help him out a little bit and jumped in, expanded the topic they were talking about and the guy was contributing way more and was able to get it going. I smiled and walked off. When you’re talking to a group of people and you can tell one guy really likes one of the other girls because you’ve analyzed his body language, help him out a little. Helping out randos is really great because you can make friends this way. The guy will come up to you later and just start talking because he likes you and you helped him out. It emphasizes the point that you should be that guy at the party that everyone wants to invite.
Flirt with everyone at the party. Especially the unattractive girls and the gay guys. If all you’re doing is hitting on the hot ones, the unattractive ones will get jealous and won’t like you. That’s not being very socially intuitive because that will come back and bite you in the ass later when you’re hitting on that unattractive girl’s friend. If you win over the unattractive girls and the gay guys, you will be well-liked at the party and it will pay dividends. I flirt like crazy.
Focus on good social sense and you will realize how much this pays off. A lot of this is common sense, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t follow this advice.