Feb 042013

This was in response to a post in our subreddit.

Welcome. I’d like to start off by saying it’s not natural for 99.999% of human beings. This subreddit is not the 0.001%. There are many of us that are just like you, who struggled to communicate and feel comfortable around women. For a good many of us, this is something we need to practice. It’s an actual skill.

You need to get to the core issues within yourself if you want to know why you are afraid to talk to girls.

Here are a few reasons I will list out and see if any ring true with you. You hold women to be of higher value than yourself. For whatever reason, you are giving women power over your life. Your brain is telling you that their worth as human beings are more than your self-worth. You also care about what they think of you. You care about the outcome. If you see a girl, you worry about how she perceives you. It’s constantly on your mind, and it’s paralyzing. You care so much about being rejected. Your happiness is dependent on whether or not a girl accepts or rejects you.

You think you need to know what to say and spend time trying to come up with something. Then your insecurity tells you that it’s not witty enough or she’ll think you’re stupid. So you wimp out.

Alright, enough.

Some good things you acknowledged is that you don’t take things out on yourself and have overcome depression, etc. Awesome. But also, being emotionally healthy enough, showering every day, and brushing your teeth does not entitle you to a relationship.

Let’s dig deeper.

Like, seriously. I wont even look their direction because it might be an awkard thing where they look back and wonder why I’m staring

Stop for a second and think about why you feel this way. Is there any logical reason to be like this? I want to know why you care so much about the eye-contact awkward. I want to know why you care so much her wondering about you. Now this: You should not give any fucks at all. Seriously, so what? Her thoughts are her problems.

I cannot emphasize this part enough: I do not know what to say.

I like how people believe that they need to know what to say in order to say things. This is actually a fallacy. Anyone who hangs out with me would tell you that I say completely random and ridiculous shit. People ask me how I know what to say. I actually have no idea what to say. I walk in with a blank mind, open my mouth, and start talking. Some of the stuff I say shocks even myself. You can even say I’m excited to find out what I’m going to say. How can I do this? Because I don’t actually care what the outcome is. “Oh, but Shakedown! I’m afraid to say something creepy, inappropriate, or offensive!” — well, this might and probably will happen. Accept that now. Happened to me a lot. Forget it when it happens, apologize if necessary, and move on. But the trick is, you begin to trust yourself as you gain experience. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Then! And here’s the real kicker! You gain confidence! So stop thinking about what to say, and start saying shit without thinking. You might surprise yourself.

So you need to take a hard look at yourself and consider if you’re putting women on a pedestal. They are just people and they want to talk to you. You see a girl and instead of worrying about what she’s thinking of you, how about you go over to her and see if she is worthy of dating you. It’s a different mindset, but it speaks to one’s self-worth. Talk to her to see if she’s a good fit for you. You have interests, yes? Well, wouldn’t you want you to find out if she has similar interests? Can you really tell yourself that you have nothing to say?



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