May 212014

User Dat_raiderguy posted in the forum, a text conversation with a girl. I broke it down for him..

  • Me: Hi, this is xxx, I met you online a couple mins ago on xxx…
  • Her: oh hi
  • Me: So, what are you looking for lately? As far as dating goes…
  • Her: idk
  • Me: Alright! Would you like to hang out sometime?
  • Her: Umm idk
  • Me: Great! When are WE going?
  • Her: What??
  • Me: Nah, just fooling around… Kinda disappointed that you don’t seem interested
  • Her: Sorry…
  • Me: Oh come on! You’re so boring! Alright, you can pick the place we’ll go to, but you’ve to promise me that you’ll buy me a drink when we get there.
  • Her: What kind of drink?
  • Me: Stout beer!
  • Her: Isn’t the man supposed to buy the woman things?
  • Me: Slow down girl, we’re not even a couple yet!
  • Her: I know
  • Me: Have you decided where?
  • Her: Nope
  • Me: Hurry up! I ain’t got all day!
  • Her: I don’t know
  • Me: Huh ok! Take your time to decide and take me there if you like me
  • Her: ok that sounds like a plan

This whole thing was painful to read. You probably got caught up in /r/seduction[1] and read some stuff about negging. Since you’re new, you didn’t do any of it right. But it’s a good learning experience for you so let me break it down for you.

Your main problem is that you are coming off extremely needy.

but after a few minutes of insisting, she gave it to me

Never insist. So needy. Quite honestly, I would have just ended it right there. So many girls out there, no use wasting your time with a girl who isn’t interested.

You are seeking her approval every step of the way. “Kinda disappointed that you don’t seem interested..” Never say this. You don’t need anyone’s approval and you don’t need anyone to show interest in you to make you feel better.

If a girl is showing disinterest, you show her disinterest. Never show more interest than she is showing you. You just match hers. If she shows more interest, you match. If she pulls back, you pull back. It’s easy. Don’t try to get her to show interest. By doing that, she will actually lose even more interest.

Furthermore, never tell a girl she is boring. That’s insulting, not negging. Negging is playful teasing. If she laughs, you’re doing it right. Don’t insult girls, tease them. There’s a difference, but that comes with experience. So perhaps best to hold off on that for now.

Secondly, you’re a man. You decide where you will meet. Don’t even ask. Just tell her. Or give her two options and tell her to choose between the two. But never ask her. And for God’s sake never tell her to promise you to buy you a drink…Never ask a girl to promise you anything…Be a man. Take control.

Her: Isn’t the man supposed to buy the woman things?

You: Slow down girl, we’re not even a couple yet!

It should have never gotten to this point, but it did, so let’s roll with it. First of all, she gave you a standard shit test, and you failed it. Second of all, and most importantly, you are already telegraphing that you see you two headed for a relationship. Major red flag. You’re already talking about becoming exclusive and you haven’t even gone on a single date yet? Kind of creepy.

Normally I would go with something like:

“Chivalry is dead.” or “You must have me confused with every other guy you’ve met.” But this is so awkward at this point I think I would have just responded with a simple “No.”

Continuing on… “Have you decided where? Hurry, I ain’t got all day…” Man c’mon…I almost feel like you’re trolling now. Never bug a girl. Don’t seek a reaction out of her. Too needy. Radio silence is okay. Be okay with her never sending you anything ever again. Stop texting her lmao.

And finally

Huh ok! Take your time to decide and take me there if you like me.

Never say this again. You’ve lowered your value and self worth to nothing.

So she will never text you. Accept that now. Take this as a learning experience going forward. A few important points:

  • You did this to yourself and it was completely avoidable. You need a shift in mindset and hopefully my breakdown helps you see that.
  • Start believing that the girl going out with you is a privilege for her. Not for you. You are awesome and you are giving her a chance to see that. You don’t prove yourself to her.
  • See the sidebar post about being Needy. In fact, see all the sidebar posts.

Sorry to be so harsh but I think you needed it.


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