Couples fight, have disagreements, argue, whatever. It happens and it’s a natural part of relationships. What I never understood was why couples fight so often. If you’re fighting all the time, there is something clearly wrong with the relationship and it should be re-evaluated. Re-evaluate yourself. Are you acting like a bitch?
If the fights were purely about something that is right or wrong, then it would make sense that both parties are right 50% of the time. But they’re not about right or wrong. If you’re fighting all the time with your woman and really take a look at why those fights are happening — they are likely about such small bullshit things that have absolutely no significance. But for some reason she blew up about it and a huge fight took place. Why though?
She lost respect for you.
She no longer argues because she thinks she is right (she’s not and probably knows it) — what she is doing is testing you and your masculinity. Do you fold or lose control of your emotions (probably yes) or do you stand firm and be a fucking man?
Two outcomes are most common here:
- You argue over the stupid, meaningless shit until you’re both red in the face and you get nowhere. You demonstrate you can’t control your emotions and she loses even more respect for you. You can’t understand why she is doing it so you get increasingly frustrated with her leading to more problems.
- You follow the Hollywood “Happy wife, happy life” method and cave in right away, doing whatever she says and apologizing for it. You apologize for something that you shouldn’t be apologizing for, reinforcing her belief that she can’t trust you to put her in her place and therefore loses more respect for you.
The two situations above are unfortunate because there is actually a third option. To be a fucking man. An alpha male has both full control over his emotions and also does not tolerate bullshit. This is a powerful combo.
Make it clear to your wife or girlfriend or crush, whoever,
No such arguments will take place. When I am right and confident, which is often, that is the final word and that is how it will be. I understand you will be upset and cry and say things you don’t actually mean. I completely get that. You have to do these things to make yourself feel better. So do those things and I will be happy to hear you out, listen to you, and take your feelings into consideration. However, know that my mind will not be changed. After that, we can go out and get ice cream.
That’s really all that women want. To know that you have boundaries and she can’t break them no matter how much she acts like a child. When you demonstrate this kind of power, she is even more attracted to you.
The trick here is that you have to maintain congruence. She will want to test you to see if you’re the real deal. It might start off as some random text of her being angry at you. Don’t even respond or acknowledge it in any way. If she’s in your home, while she’s throwing her hissy fit, just walk over to her, pick her up, spin her around and make out with her. She won’t remember what she was saying.
Now you might be saying, “Isn’t there room for compromise? What if you’re wrong? What if the matter is actually serious and not insignificant??? You are being unreasonable!” Great question.
When a matter is actually for real — perhaps one of you lost a job and need to budget accordingly, or some real life decisions need to be made such as moving, etc, etc.. I hold that she will actually be acting rationally, and it won’t be a fight but an actual discussion. Where the two of you can sit down with some pen and paper and hash out together what the pros and cons of each side are and come to an agreement about what is the right way to move forward as a team. This is what a relationship is about, but this is ultimately 100% different than the bullshit petty fights that are an order of magnitude more common. Also, she is completely capable of both rational discussion and irrational fighting. So keep that in mind, and recognize which one is which in each situation so you can act accordingly.