I have just returned from my first Tinder date ever. Actually, first online / app date ever. Up until this point, if you’ve been following my blog for the last four years or so, I have met all my girls at Jewish events, bars, or through other friends. I have stayed away from online dating for a few reasons, but none of them truly valid. I was convinced it was not an efficient use of time, and it isn’t, but that doesn’t make it totally useless. It should be treated as just another tool / method to meet women, not the soul replacement of socializing. To that end, some friends of mine pushed me to install the app and I went ahead swiping left and right. Swiping left means you’re not attracted, swiping right on the photo means you’re attracted to them. If the girl and you both swipe right, it’s a match and you can talk to each other. That’s the premise of the app.
High level points to note:
- My friends were harping on me that I was swiping left on too many girls . I did not understand this harping because this is DC and I theorized that the number of girls that will show up in this app is seemingly endless. So why waste your limited number of right swipes on girls you don’t plan on talking to anyway? The answer is validation. Every time you match with someone your inner need for approval gets filled, even if the girl is unattractive. This is not the right way to Tinder. Don’t waste your time and don’t fill your need for approval. If you need approval from others, fix that first before trying to date others, or you’ll constantly doubt yourself and the girl you’re seeing. Only swipe right on girls that meet your minimum standards.
- There are a lot of fake profiles on there. More than half of those I matched with were not real people, but bots trying to sell you on shit. This is why it’s not an efficient use of time. You waste time on things like bots and other bullshit. In other cases, the girls are just seeking approval themselves and have no intention of talking to you or meeting up. So again, wasting time.
- But then there is the small % of girls that are real, attractive, willing to meet up, and are somewhat normal. So you have to weed through a ton of crap to get there, but it is by no means impossible.
On conversing and how to get a girl’s number on Tinder:
- Admittedly, /r/tinder is funny, sometimes. Most of the time it is cringe worthy as all hell though — seriously. Too many guys spend too much time trying to be clever with opening lines. They focus on saying the most perfect thing to impress the girl and get a number. Stupid name-puns and corny pickup lines, man, terrible. There is absolutely no need for any of that. How about try being normal? 95% of the guys in online dating are weird as shit and it’s a nice breath of fresh air to get a simple, assertive, non-creepy, normal guy. The following is the entire Tinder conversation I had with a girl to get her number. Names and locations have been redacted, the rest is the full convo.
Me (opener): “Hey [name], jealous of the nice scenery in your pics. Where did you travel?
Her: Hey thanks…I know those places are really pretty. Toronto, New Hampshire, North Carolina.
Me: Nice. Are those vacation spots for you or do you have family all around? I miss traveling. Don’t do near as much as I used to.
Her: I did go to Toronto and North Carolina for pleasure. Got back from New Hampshire last week.
Me: Haha, is it good to be back? I’ve been in DC for about 8 years now.
Her: It’s bittersweet. That’s cool, I’m assuming you enjoy living here.
Me: Eh this town is decent enough. Still a new yorker at heart though. Got any favorite hangout spots around here?
Her: Not really, I like [bar] but haven’t been there in a while. You?
Me: [bar] was decent until the place got weird. [location] is my favorite area to meet up with my friends.
Her: Where in [location]?
Me: I don’t drink alcohol but if you like […] we should go there.
Her: Never heard of that place. Let’s do it.
Me: Cool. What’s your number?
Her: [phone number]
See how simple that was? Super normal, directed the conversation towards meeting up, got her number. I texted her the date and time to meet up and she agreed.
Conclusion of Part I. Part II coming soon.