It is actually not uncommon for a girl to tell you the phrase “I’m mad at you” — Is she actually mad at you? Maybe. Maybe not. Whether she is genuinely mad at you or not is not important. What is important is how you react to this statement.
For a long time, I never reacted the right way. I tried combinations of the following:
- Argue again about whatever the issue is
- Apologize profusely
- Ask her how to make it up to her
- Buy gifts / flowers
None of which are effective. Before I proceed with how I respond to the “I’m mad at you” phrase now, I want to quickly mention why she is saying this in the first place and it is due to these three points:
- Women love feeling emotions. Happy, sad, angry, whatever. Women want to feel emotions. By telling you how mad she is, she gets to revel in that some more.
- She genuinely is upset. In that exact moment she is hurt, whether the feeling is justifiable or not.
- She is manipulating you. This is a form of emotional manipulation if she knows that by telling you she is mad at you, that you will respond by behaving in such a manner that she finds more agreeable.
When this happened to me, I stopped in my tracks and realized I was being manipulated. This was some kind of shit test that I was repeatedly failing. And then it hit me —
“I’m okay with that”
Holy shit. She didn’t know what to say. She told me that she was upset with me and I responded that I was okay with that? It blew her fucking mind. I just kept reiterating to her:
“It’s okay to be upset with me. Your feelings are noted.”
By responding in this manner, I have stated the following:
- I cannot be emotionally manipulated
- I am holding frame and remain unaffected by outside forces
- I am acknowledging her feelings regardless of whether they are justified or not
This response works whether she is right or wrong in how she feels. Give it a try next time.Tweet