Step 1: No More Mr. Nice Guy

 

Being forever alone is a state of mind. It is a state of defeat. You have actually told yourself that you are alone forever and will be alone forever. Simply by thinking these thoughts, you have made this a reality. Your subconscious mind will not let you succeed because you believe yourself to be a failure. You believe that you deserve to be Forever Alone.

Having said this, you are in this subreddit because you do not want to be Forever Alone anymore. But before you do anything, you have to genuinely change your thinking — your thought process. You have to convince yourself that you are not forever alone. You have to change your ‘state of mind’. By thinking more positively, you’ll act more positively.

Read this book: [1] No More Mr. Nice Guy

This book represents nearly every single FA I encounter, including myself. It’s a Nice Guy Syndrome and it accurately depicts what many FAs consider themselves — Nice Guys, when in reality, it is indicative of other problems. You cannot proceed without changing your whole current mindset and this book will do that.

Here are two excerpts –

“Todd prides himself on treating women with honesty and respect. He believes these traits set him apart from other men and should attract women to him. Though he has many female friends, he rarely dates. The women he knows tell him what a great listener he is and often call him to share their problems. He likes feeling needed. These female friends constantly tell him what a great “catch” he will make for some lucky woman. In spite of the way he treats women, he can’t understand why they all seem to be attracted to jerks, rather than Nice Guys like him”

Also this, “The enmeshing Nice Guy makes his partner his emotional center. His world revolves around her. She is more important than his work, his buddies, his hobbies. He will do whatever it takes to make her happy. He will give her gifts, try to fix her problems, and arrange his schedule to be with her. He will gladly sacrifice his wants and needs to win her love. He will even tolerate her bad moods, rage attacks, addictions, and emotional or sexual unavailability — all because he ‘loves her so much’. On the surface it may appear that the enmeshing Nice Guy desires, and is available for an intimate relationship, but this is an illusion. The Nice Guy’s pursuing and enmeshing behavior is an attempt to hook up an emotional hose to his partner. This hose is used to suck the life out of her and fill an empty place inside of him. The Nice Guy’s partner unconsciously picks up on this agenda and works like hell to make sure the Nice Guy can’t get close enough to hook up the hose. Consequently, the Nice Guy’s partner is often seen as the one preventing the closeness the Nice Guy desires”

The above excerpts accurately described me, though there are various types of “Nice Guys”. You have to change your attitude about what a Nice Guy is. You can be a nice person, but at the same time, be an attractive, assertive, and confident man. If you can’t change your attitude on this, then you will not be able to rid yourself of your forever alone status. Do not sabotage yourself. Let yourself succeed.

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